In my early twenties, I decided that the duck was my ‘Spirit Beast’. I decided to call it that to be funny, since a duck is not so beastly.
It fit me. I had a quacky voice, a waddly walk, a love of travel, and my sense of humor fit the bill. (Get it . . . the bill? Haaa . . . yeah . . .)
At this point, I was working in the Film industry in New York City. Kindness was not common, and I had to shake off a lot of attitude and ego from colleagues and managers and diva clients.
A mantra came to me from my divine ducky guides.
“Water off a duck’s back, Quack Quack”
Whenever someone would lay their bad mood into me, I would recite this to myself and shake my bottom twice on the words ‘quack quack’, wicking off the wet of their unwanted energy.
It helped a surprising amount. I could keep my head high and my mood light when the NYC grumps were rampant.
We all juggle so much. Even though I didn’t catch all the flying bowling pins this week, I am sitting with a feeling of being deeply satiated with the words, “Good Enough”.
Lately, I have been thinking about the gift of saying No to make room to say Yes.
Sometimes the No is to a fun outing, sometimes it’s to a request from a friend for more time than I can offer, sometimes it’s to cleaning the dishes before bedtime.
When we say No, we make room to say Yes to tending to our garden, spending more time with our family, or prioritizing our own need for proper rest.
This summer, I want to include writing in my Yes list. I am doing that by diving into co-leading a Summer Weekly Writing Group Online with my friend and writing coach, Dawn Montefusco.
This means I am saying Yes to something that I really care about.
Confession: I have written 3 books, but none of them are finished yet.
I love writing, and I even don’t mind editing, but I am scared of publishing.
So I fuss with each of these tomes now and again, and then get busily distracted by more ‘important things’.
I get anxious about the idea of failure . . . what if all of this is for nothing?
I get intimidated by the idea of success . . . am I ready for my voice to be heard on a wide scale?
And, gosh, isn’t it more important to get some Spring cleaning done anyhow? Yeah, that’s a more immediate necessity . . .
That’s why I find it both ironic and deeply moving that, last week, my friend Dawn dedicated her newly published book, Cracking the Resistance Code, to me!
What is the most essential knowledge that reading cards professionally for 16 years taught me?
I have learned -deeply- that everyone is hard on themselves about the same thin
From the successful mid-life leaders, to the uncertain mid-twenties dreamers.
Everyone feels like they’re not doing enough.
Myself included. This week was not a very productive one. I got sick briefly and then couldn’t get back into the groove. You know the story, because it’s normal for all of us.
So my work this week became forgiving and feeling through this sense of failure to relaunch after a head cold.
Last week we had a solar eclipse in Aries, and this upcoming week on May 5th, we have a lunar eclipse in Scorpio.
While I am not an astrologer, I do like to keep up with the suggestions of how to make the most of each phase we are in.
This lunar eclipse can bring to light the hidden ‘shadow’ feelings we have been ignoring, especially around our connections with others.
We might have some new insights on how we want to shift our relationships in meaningful ways.
I didn’t believe in Mercury Retrograde for years.
It took a man mocking me at Burning Man to change my mind.
I had arrived on the desert playa with a bruised rib cage from a kite boarding accident the week before wherein I had been “teabagged” when a powerful wind and my complete lack of skills collided. I was ripped into the air and dunked back into the water three times.
The man on the playa listened to my stories of woe and laughed that I was describing retrograde adjacent problems while saying I didn’t buy into it.
I had signed up for too many things at the same time, and Mercury Retrograde will spank you for that.
I have been thinking about validation lately.
People often reflect that my tarot readings are validating, and I enjoy being a stranger who can reflect back what your intuition is saying.
More poignantly though, I have been talking about acknowledgement with my therapist a lot.
Because I desire approval and I don’t like that appetite.
Can you relate?
We seek it from friends, lovers, family, and, to an unhealthy degree, random strangers on the internet.
Often these groups don’t reflect what we want. But we keep going back anyway.
“What desire do you have to ask for a need that you’re shy about?”
A lot of us struggle to ask for what we want. And yet, it’s sometimes the only way to get it . . . or find out that other’s cannot provide it.
Were you raised with the idea that focusing on your needs is selfish? How can you break free of that untrue belief?
Consider how grateful you are when a loved one sweetly requests what they would like to receive. It’s so much easier than guessing.
We may even be honored to know that we are able to provide for someone. (Or, of course we can happily say ‘No’ if that’s outside our own desires).
This week, take a leap and ask for what you want.
One of our first days in the Galapagos, sitting in the sweltering heat on a loud boat, a sense memory from 20 years ago flooded through me of that young woman who was giddy to set forth into seeing the world.
This reignited the Fool’s spirit into me.
The Fool is an adventurous yet naive wanderer, who seeks out the new and is open-minded and curious to learn and grow.
I suddenly heard the voice of my high school writing teacher, Bob McHeffy, who would ask us, “Would the child you were be proud of the person you are today?”
I felt so grateful that the middle-aged woman I am is proud of that young adult who made a solid effort to explore the world.
Those choices instilled a well of youthful vivacity that I can still drink from today.
I am also grateful to the stable and rooted part of me, my inner Queen of Pentacles, who I developed over the last 15 years. Because this journey also asserted that with age comes a higher need for creature comforts.
Tomorrow, I embark on an adventure to Ecuador!
It’s been a while since I have been on a trip like this.
In my 20’s, I worked and traveled abroad for many years in Asia.
After I landed in Portland in 2008, I shifted into a Pentacles Era of nurturing resources like my home, business, relationships, and community.
Now, I find myself wondering what makes big journeys so very essential.
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