Holiday Conflict Resolution

Ram Dass says, “If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family.”

The holidays are coming up, and I know for many of us it’s a good time to consider how we hold ourselves through interpersonal strife. 

I took a lovely class with small business advisor Jaime Pulliam on conflict resolution this week, and I want to share some of the insights with you. If this resonates, reach out to her to learn the more full details or glean from her many other unique offerings. 

Somatic Anchoring: Get Present in your Body

The first step is all about self-awareness. When we get triggered, we can lose touch with our center, which makes it hard to hear our personal wise adult self. 

To do this, we can do a few simple tasks.

1. Think of where your body is contacting the earth and focus there.

2. Notice your own internal cues such as breath, heartbeat, or what the inside of your mouth feels like.

3. Bring attention to the sounds and sights around you and name them in your head. 

This embodiment pulls you more out of the reactivity and grounds you in presence. 

At this point, if you’re still agitated, let go of attempting to resolve the conflict now. Set it aside on the shelf until you can find a moment alone to reflect on . . .

The Wheel: Shift Your Lens with Structured Approach

This part is best written out to review it clearly.

1. Outline the facts only. What is the sequence of things that happened? No emotional values here! Only the most absolute evidence you could use in a cold case file.

2. What is the story I am telling myself? Get emo here with what story is driving your feelings. Take ownership as you acknowledge that you have also taken part in creating this story. 

3. What single word emotions can describe how I feel? Hold yourself in compassion towards the discomfort of these feelings. 

4. Identify what you need from these feelings and this story. What actionable items can I do to create repair? What resolution would I like to see happen? We can’t force others to our view, but we can share how we take ownership of our part, which can defuse conflict. We also can ask for specific needs to be met with direct requests that have a clear action communicated. 

Window of Capacity: Pause the Loop with a Choice

Notice if you are able to engage in conflict from the place you are currently in after writing the Wheel out. Remember that if you are off-center, you are not going to present your side of the conflict adeptly anyhow.

1. Hyperarousal: if you are in fight of flight, step into some self-care to calm your nervous system. Perhaps go outside for a walk, wash your face with cold water, or take some long slow breaths. 

2. Hypoarousal: If you are in fawn or freeze, you need to nurture yourself. What fills your cup? Perhaps a snack or a hug from someone not involved? I find a good laugh with a friend can rejuvenate me. 

3. Know where you are at and what you need to sit in your own agency so you can map out your best choices. 

For support in unraveling your conflicts, sign up for a personal tarot reading with me. 

Get more in your somatic body with some intuition coaching session.

Let a friend in on your conflict challenges during a Tarot Together session.

Create connection and depth of conversations with your community when you hire a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers.

Hope the holiday whirlwind swirls easily for you this year! 

Self Care is Community Care,

Jenna Lynne Roberts

Present Path Tarot

Portlandia Fortune Tellers