Present Path Tarot
Navigate to your best life
Memory is Messy
I recently watched an animation by Don Hertzfeldt about memory, and how elusive it is.
He shared a story that he has told his whole adult life about two women who met Elvis, only to learn from his parents that he was off about all the details except one.
The courts have considered whether having witness testimony should even be legal since humans are so often wrong in their reflection of a moment.
Memory is stored in various parts of the brain according to what kind of memory it is: emotional, explicit, etc. Science is emerging that our body holds memories outside the brain. Perhaps this is why I get flashes of forgotten moments when I do yoga.
Maybe this is also why regular dancing is aligned with a 76% decrease in getting dementia. Boogie your booties for mind health, folks!
We don’t fully understand how memory works, but we know it’s not reliable. We cannot actually rehearse stories of the past with true certainty.
This brings up a lot of feelings for me, since it’s such a source of security that my stories are valid and my interpretations of moments are real.
As I experience perimenopause, I have days where basic words are elusive, or moments I have reflected on countless times feel more distant. It freaks me out, but my elder women tell me it gets better . . . and then other new memory challenges will happen down the line again.
Today, I want to offer some ways to massage the memory muscles.
Even if the recall is imperfect, it’s good practice to dip into history.
Old memories:
What were the names of some of your earliest childhood friends? What do you recall doing with them?
What was your earliest address or phone number you can recall?
What was a hobby you enjoyed as a child that you don’t do anymore?
What is one memory that you share with someone you still know today? Remember as many details as you can from that day. Call them and hear their version and see how the notes align.
Emotional memory:
What was your first date? Who was it with? How did you feel before, during or after?
Who did you first fall in love with? Close your eyes and let your body remember what that felt like.
What did it feel like when you got your first paycheck or big job offer?
Recent memory:
Name three things you did yesterday.
What did you eat last Wednesday for each meal?
What moment of the past week stands out as the most desired memory to keep. Perhaps consider writing it out in a journal.
Mental Mindgames:
Count backwards from 100 by subtracting 7 each time
Spell words backward, seeing how long of a word you can get up to.
7 second trick: Think of something you would like to remember and hold it in your mind for 7 seconds without distractions. This triggers the hippocampus to lock it into longer-term memory.
While memory is good to practice, know that you are always free to audio record or take notes during a personal tarot reading with me.
Or, have a friend help you remember what the cards had to say in a Tarot Together session.
Create a wonderful memory for many people when you hire a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers to entertain at your next celebration.
The best ways to keep your memory strong is through good sleep, good diet, aerobic movement, and mindful practices.
I hope your weekend includes all of these, and hopefully making some new sweet memories as well.
Relish Your Memories,
Jenna Lynne Roberts
Limerance Explored
A lot of clients this summer have come to me for a reading around their unattainable crush.
I first ask if they are thinking about them constantly, maybe even obsessing. If they say yes, I ask if they know what Limerance is.
It’s not a type of diagnosis, but I ask them to look up the term to decide for themselves if they are in it, or speak to a trained counselor about their experience.
Limerance is an infatuation or crush where your mind fixates on a person. You desperately want their validation and reciprocation.
You idealize them, and daydream constantly with intrusive thoughts about the next time you might see them or envision conversations you might have.
This can be for a person you know or a celebrity. I have had both, although limerance for a celebrity is more of an adoring super fan vibe with thoughts of this stranger filling your day. Limerance for a personal connection includes the hope of reconciling your passion, and this potential makes it more intense.
I am not medically trained in this area, but I have a lot to say from my own personal experiences. It is a big deal for me to publicly share this truth, since I have often felt deeply embarrassed by it.
In times of depression, I have become hyperfocused on an object of affection. During COVID shelter-in-place, I scoured the internet for anything I could find about Phoebe Waller-Bridge.
When I was trying to date again after a 10-year break up, I got my heart set beyond reasoning on Carl.
These moments taste of heightened life. The desire and the adoration is intense, and your brain is flushed with dopamine and other chemicals.
It turns out that people with ADHD are more likely to get limerant due to dopamine dysregulation… so that tracks.
I remember sitting at my kitchen table during my Carl phase. I could observe my heart feeling like an enormous rocket in my chest. It was both painful and exhilarating. I tried to focus on being grateful that my body even has the capacity to allow such strong feelings. I was anything but comfortably numb.
In my layman’s opinion, I believe that limerance comes at a time when you are ready to bridge yourself out of a time of darkness.
One article I saw said that it is a form of depression. For me, it has been a launchpad out of the blues.
It feels like a kickstart, similar to a defibrillator, where you go from mundane to wide awake in the feelings of life.
I believe that you can use this crossover moment to let yourself feel fully alive. Please acknowledge and celebrate that those strong sensations are yours and are for you.
They might be inspired by an external catalyst, but they are a powerful emotion that belongs to you. Relish that you are a vivacious human who can feel intensely and live and breathe through that full spectrum of feelings.
The feelings will subside through time if you allow them to. You likely can find a healthy balance again.
Once you accept that this person is not your ‘twin flame’, you can simply enjoy the sensation of adoring them from afar in a more reasonable way.
I know it’s not easy to get there. You want their approval so desperately. Give yourself that approval instead.
Imagine that someone felt this way about you at some point (you might even know who in your history). Turn that love on yourself, and relish your own precious value.
I believe that our objects of affection might be people with qualities that you share and that inspire you to love yourself more.
How do they represent a beautiful part of yourself? How do they inspire you to want to be more like them in joyous ways?
The funny thing about Carl is that we did date briefly during my peak desire time. He soon let me down in the most kind and sincere way. I was sad, but also relieved that I had my answer, even if it was not the one I wanted.
We slowly became friends, and my limerance waned. I realized how wrong he was for me as a potential partner. Our limerant desire is not rational, and often is not for a person who is practical for us.
Ironically, a year after we met, he fell into limerance for a woman and I – of all people – counseled him through it. I felt honored and enjoyed the universe’s sense of humor.
The therapists pages will say that limerance is not love. I can consider this is true, but I do love Carl. Heck, I still love Phoebe. I just don’t love them in the same way as when I was infatuated with them.
I also want to state that my experience of this has opened my heart chakra in a powerful way, and I don’t want anyone to dismiss their experience.
Trust that it might be waking you up to allow a real and equal love into your life. Let go of the false belief that this person is better than you. Let them be your muse for some art and release them as “the one”. If they really are your person, it will be easier for them to see you as such when you love yourself fully anyhow.
There are many pages by therapists describing how to free yourself from limerance and I recommend that you look for those or send your friends to those places if they are fixated on someone.
I also hope you’ll consider sharing this article, because I think there is deep value in embracing ourselves and abolishing the shame around limerance.
I even have learned when to lean into it. If I get really sick, I now let myself rabbit hole on my current film fascination. I deep dive on their movies or shows or interviews for a spell. It limits choice and quells the FOMO. The distraction comforts me and gives me an odd sense of purpose when I am down and out.
I don’t know if that is right for you or what therapists would recommend, so be sure to have a trained counselor on your side to confess to around this matter.
If you want to share your heart with a compassionate soul and learn your spirit guides perspective, come see me for a personal tarot reading.
Bring in a friend who knows your heart to be witnessed in a Tarot Together session.
Invite all your objects of affection over for a party and hire a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers to treat them to a unique gift.
Have a wonderful weekend of loving all those that you love, including yourself.
Love your Full Heart,
Jenna Lynne Roberts
Free Reading for August
Before I realized this is our free reading week, I was pondering on writing about a very similar subject to what the cards illuminated today. So hopefully it also resonates with you.
In mid-August, Portlandia Fortune Tellers will be at the Albany Scottish Festival for our first time. Come watch some highland games and get your cards read by me.
Preparing for a company holiday party early this year? Make it easy to delight your guests with presence and magic when you hire a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers.
If you crave a full-fledged long-form tarot reading, a tarot lesson, or a tarot together session, reach out to me.
Online readings work just as well as in-person, and it’s a great gift to give one of your favorite Leo’s this month for their birthday.
Scroll on for our free reading!
Happy August,
Jenna Lynne Roberts
Today’s deck is the lovely Coastal Crow and Raven Tarot by Pacific NW artist MJ Cullinane
Two eights and a Knight offer our message today.
Eights are at the point where you are high on intensity, but also getting closer to a breakthrough in essential clarity.
The 8 of Wands reversed is heeding you to not rush in. Slow your roll. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Often when this card comes up, we are feeling setbacks in our focused flow forward.
Don’t let this frustration dismantle your centered self. Instead, pause and reflect on the message of the 8 of Swords reversed.
You are ready to get unstuck on a deep mental level. You have been acting on autopilot out of a belief that perpetual movement forward is always the answer and you are a failure if you stop.
But stop. Notice the mentality that you are pursuing your goals from. Consider how you can shift that perspective to become more free and joyous in your pursuits. Release the societal myths that don’t serve your personal flow.
The Knight of Pentacles reversed is asking you to look at where you have become too comfortable in your routine, even if it is not working for you right now.
As the deck maker eloquently says in her accompanying book, “The Knight of Pentacles can dig in too deeply; it carries with it an energy that is loyal to routine even when the routine stops serving growth.”
Today’s message is a double whammy that offers you freedom from trudging the same way up the same hill to the same results.
Pull back to move forward. Ponder on the ways you are too hard on yourself and choose to turn your gaze away from your mindset because it’s uncomfortable. Be curious about how you speak to yourself and what beliefs are driving you.
Now is a time for pause and reflection on motivation and self-respect. You won’t get unstuck by doing the same tasks as always. You will by breaking free of the same stories that push you from negative feedback instead of positive. Shift those stories and then dive back into productivity from a place of joy.
Learn your best affirmations to more forward on the right foot when you sign up for an online or in-person tarot reading or an intuition coaching session.
Click it Back One Notch
In the Pacific Northwest, we have about 4 months of packing in everything everywhere all at once.
Being overly busy is a part of life for many of us these days, so summer can feel like it takes things to eleven.
We are at the center of that time frame, and so this week I offer a reminder to find the chill wherever you can.
This is not about wiping whole plans out. It’s about noticing where you can take it down one little click back.
Making micro adjustments can ease the strain just enough to let relaxation get a higher priority in the gaps created.
It seems easiest to find these in managing the efforts around fun.
For instance, my friend and I were supposed to go white water kayaking, and we decided instead to go to a swim spot. Still enjoying water, but taking it down a notch on the effort.
Unpacking from the Oregon Country Fair, I decided to do it in phases, piecemeal, and let there be mini-messes that I can chip away at instead of one lump of hustle.
I am relishing movie theater time over party socializing to feed the introvert in my ambivert.
It’s a healthy practice to say, “No”, or, “Let me get back to you”, before taking on new opportunities, however fun they may be. Fomo can take a backseat.
For responsibility overloads, tapering things down comes from different angles.
Do a brain dump of all the things you have to manage, and then take out some highlighters.
Circle the ones that are absolutely essential and locked into a deadline. Then mark the ones that can be managed in less than an hour, and set aside a chunk of time to focus fully on knocking those off the list.
The larger urgent projects are moved onto a new sheet, and each one is broken down into smaller steps.
Look at all the others and consider which ones can be put off till a later date. Leave them be for now. Perhaps set yourself a reminder when they are closer to their own deadline.
While you are in accomplishment mode, be sure to take mini-breaks. Set a timer and walk away for 5 minutes to check in on how you are feeling.
Does your body need water or protein? Will you be more effective if you gave yourself a quick nap? Can you do some long breaths to remind your nervous system to reset before you dive back in?
If you find a small gap between activities or meetings, choose to set an alarm and simply close your eyes and listen to your breath instead of scrolling or filling in the time with micro-tasking.
Consider what strategies you can use to add ease into your actions. Please message me with any that you love, since I would be grateful for more ideas.
If life is overwhelming in other ways, take a load off and re-frame things with a personal tarot reading.
Make the most of friend time when you come in for a Tarot Together session.
Find an ease in bringing entertainment to your parties when you hire a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers for your events for either work or play.
Have a great weekend of seeing where you can add smidge of relief into your moments.
Simmer in the Summer,
Jenna Lynne Roberts
Circle Back this Retrograde
As many of my closest friends know, I am a huge fan of Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who had a birthday this past week (fellow fabulous Cancerian… as my birthday is tomorrow).
In one interview, they asked what her favorite Americanism is. She said, “Let’s circle back”.
I had not known that this was a unique phrase to the US at the time, and her acknowledgement made me think more about this concept and the power of suggesting it at the right time.
This week ahead is the final week in this round of Mercury Retrograde. While many abhor these 3 week phases, they can be beneficial to engage with purposefully.
My favorite astrologer friend, Heather Harris says, ‘Mercury Retrogrades are all about the RE. Take time to re-turn, re-commit, re-consider, etc.’
This week, I ask you to ponder on something that you would do well to circle back on.
So many times we put off something and plan to return to it later, but then never come around to it.
What is one thing that you put on the shelf that is getting dusty and needs re-engaged with?
Perhaps a friendship faced a challenge that is worth breaching the conversation about?
Maybe there is a project you meant to finish before the swirl of summer swept you away from it?
Think about a self-growth action that you can step back into better practice with yet again.
Are there any inner evolutionary shifts that have been left in a state of limbo? Is now a good time to choose one to step forward back into them?
Give yourself a few minutes to look away from the device you are reading this on and stare at the ceiling and sit with your answer.
After your pause. Return here.
Is there is a flush of guilt for ‘failing’ to complete this before today? Phew, take a breath and remember that this week ahead is the next best time to take action on it.
If there is an overwhelm of ideas or paths to take, narrow down your plans to the most simple and minor next step in the most accessible option.
Being Mercury Retrograde, you have a whole week before you must take action. For now, reconfigure your next best steps and notice the blocks halting you in your plans.
This weekend, call in the energy of release from any anxiety around this and trust yourself to begin the process forward again.
If you need some divination motivation, sign up with me for a personal tarot reading.
Ask the cards and find your own answers after a solid tarot reading lesson.
Bring a compassionate friend to share your foibles with in a Tarot Together session.
If a celebration is the venture you are ready to embark on, remember to hire a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers for the party.
I hope you enjoy finding your center as you circle back on what is important to you this week.
Enjoy Renewal,
Jenna Lynne Roberts
The image above can be purchased as a sticker HERE
Crab Evolution
There is a scientific phenomenon that began in 1916 called carcinization that describes how creatures evolve into crabs over time. It is surprisingly common.
This has become an internet joke, saying that all nature will someday become crab-like.
As a Cancerian, I approve this message that our zodiac sign is the height of evolution.
I feel redeemed since being a Cancer zodiac sign is not easy.
Our animal representative is a creepy crustacean. Our title of either Cancer or Crabs each reflect a health ailment: one of the worst diagnoses you can hear and an STI (that is not even a crustacean, it’s a lice). Even our symbol looks like a sex joke.
The zodiac memes all present us as being overly emotional milquetoast people.
I remember enjoying Lynda Goodman’s Sun Signs book as a kid and reading about my sign. It focused on our sensitive nature being someone who likes making crafts at home and going to garage sales and thrift stores. The next chapter on Leo exemplified someone who was the life of the party and a total charmer. Rough contrast. (Perhaps I was more attracted to Leo though because it turns out I have a lot of it in my chart.)
Over time, I have come to love my Cancerian self. The world might be a wonderful place if we all evolved into crabs.
We are sensitive, and that comes with empathy for others and wisdom of the heart.
Don’t let this soft aspect mingle with any idea that we are not bold. My birthday lands on the same day as both Nelson Mandela and Hunter S. Thompson. Cancers have pushed the boundaries of society, and do so in their own unique way.
It is true bravery to feel your feelings. Cancers are gifted a sensitivity that makes movies and music richer with intricate layers of emotional waves woven into the experiences.
We also are creative beings. You bet we make crafts at home, and it’s one of the most wild and fabulous activities a human can do. Let the Leo’s have their parties, Cancers are in comfy clothes while concocting art with a cup of tea and some good music.
The art of reading cards is supported by my own intuitive Cancer within. This part of me can tune into people and listen for emotional messages with compassion. I have come to relish my tenderness that once felt like a burden.
To get your own nurturing divination experience, sign up for a personal tarot reading.
Access your own psychic sensitivities when you sign up for a tarot reading lesson.
Bring your favorite Cancerian in for a birthday reading during a Tarot Together session this month.
Lavish love on a group of Cancers and their friends when you hire a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers for a party.
I am heading off to the Oregon Country Fair to satisfy both my Cancer and Leo sides. I will wear my home-crafted costumes (that I bought many parts of at thrift stores) in order to tune into participants and playfully nudge them to open more to magick and their own hearts.
I hope this effort might assist others to evolve more toward their own inner crab.
Be Crabby,
Jenna Lynne Roberts
Free Reading for July’s Mercury Retrograde
The reading today offers some great directions in regards to a challenge you are facing. I hope this month brings you a positive shift in an area you weren’t sure what to do about before.
In mid-July Portlandia Fortune Tellers will be at the Canterbury Faire in Silverton, Oregon for our first time. I’ll be there on Sunday, July 26ht if you want to stop in and say hi for a quick reading before you watch some antique entertainments.
Bring divination to your summer parties with a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers.
If you crave a full-fledged long-form tarot reading, a tarot lesson, or a tarot together session, it’s 10% off online and in-person readings with me through July 23rd if you use the code RETRO2026.
Free reading below with the vibes of how to manage this Mercury Retrograde.
Happy July,
Jenna Lynne Roberts
Today we read with Boadicea’s Tarot of Earthly Delights By Caroline Kenner and Illustrated by Paula Millet, published by Schiffer Books
One detail of note is that each of the 4 cards represents one element of the tarot suits, hinting at a need to balance the various aspects of our lives during this Mercury Retrograde round.
We begin with the 5 of Wands, which asks how you are putting your energy into competition and arguments, especially with long-term challenges.
Consider what is worth fighting for before diving in this month, and angle your approach with response over reaction. The spread seems to align this issue with something that you have dealt with before, so try a new response in order to see what gains it brings.
With the 10 of Cups, some of those wins would be in finding deeper fulfillment of the heart. Take time to look at your blessings and celebrate the love you share with others.
If you managed the challenge you faced in the 5 of Wands with grace, you get to now enjoy a wider spectrum of emotional joy with those around you.
Your heart can be rich while your mind still struggles with the 6 of Swords reversed in regards to the ongoing turmoil of the challenge. It’s unlikely that your new angle is going to fully resolve this matter, but set it aside for a bit to see what results may come over time.
The Page of Pentacles is just the cure for this fresh attitude. She is patient and observant of the long-term effects of small changes. She adapts in steps after considering various options. She does not rush to get solutions, but develops them through time and consistency.
The reading today is about being willing to lean into the hard stuff without insistence of immediate answers. Celebrate your blessings while acknowledging that real change takes time.
Align with ways to face the conflicts better during an online or in-person tarot reading or an intuition coaching session. Get a 10% discount through July 23rd with the code RETRO2026.
Change is a Series of Shifts
Most of my clients come in for readings to figure out change.
Sometimes to make it happen.
Often to manage it.
Always to process it’s influence.
Tarot is a wonderful art to approach change from a place of curiosity and fresh perspectives. I believe the cards encourage leaning into shifts, especially when you have no choice in their arrival.
The best kind of change is the one where you get to control it’s activation. Even when we know that, it’s still hard to stick with upgrades. We can initiate and fail countless times before holding firm to a growth we know we need.
While listening to an audio book this week, I heard a description of the ‘Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change‘. It made me realize that, like a machine, we need to shift gears in stages to get up to speed.
I am going to explain it through a personal journey with exercise I had that I think many can relate to.
As you read this, remember that all bodies are beautiful. I definitely learned through this experience that judging myself was backtracking the goal.
Precontemplation (Not Ready / Denial) – Don’t see the need for change
“I move around a lot, I am fine. Besides, I loathe gym culture. I do yoga and dance once a week anyhow. I am fine.
Strategy: Assess risks of current behavior
Contemplation (Getting Ready) – Acknowledge the problem with ambivalence
“I ran out of breath going up that little hill. Maybe I need to get in shape. But I don’t have time. I am too busy.”
About here my friend Michael said something that stuck in my head:
“Imagine that there was a pill that would make you smarter, more relaxed, balance your emotions, stay healthier, and help you live longer. You would take that pill, right? Well it exists and it’s called a 20 minute workout.”
During 2020, I found myself getting depressed during shelter-in-place and his words kept ringing in my ears.
Strategy: Identify barriers
Preparation (Ready) – Taking the first baby steps
“Okay, Michael is right and I am going to do these Fitness Blender YouTube’s he suggested.”
I found that my depression would improve for about 48 hours after a workout, and so I got better about doing them. I no longer had the excuse of not enough time because during the COVID crisis I had lots of time.
Strategy: Prepare a plan on action and motivators
Action (Doing it) – Keep up a practice for 6 months
“I didn’t want to workout this morning and so I said I only had to do 10 minutes and then I did 40! I am so proud of myself!”
Strategy: Reward yourself and build community around practice
Maintenance (Fully integrated) – Normalize the new behavior and be aware of potential for relapse
“I love working out! I don’t even mind the gym anymore because I love the high I get from this.”
Strategy: More rewards and look out for pitfalls
Relapse (Stop the habit) – Fall out of practice and need to decide to continue (Note: This is NOT a moral failure, it’s just a cha cha dance of a reset. ‘Two steps forward, one step back.’)
“Yayyyy! We get to be social again! Oh man, life sure is busy. I’ll get to the exercise when I can . . . “
Keep in mind that the relapse doesn’t always drop back to the beginning. You might relapse and then jump back to maintenance, or need to go back to Contemplation.
Strategy: Notice how you can access the habit and contemplate what took you off course.
For psychologists, this concept means that they have to approach the change from an awareness of where the client is in the process.
You might need to first access a mental buy in before trying to take action.
For me, I bounced between relapse and action and maintenance for a couple years.
Then I came across a wonderful strength trainer, Shannon at Fireborne Fitness, who taught me how to build muscles.
It was much easier to keep up the maintenance stage this time because I had done it before. I also was able to build more consistency by joining my friend Matt in shared training sessions with Shannon. I love accountabili-buddies.
I found that I enjoy lifting weights more than cardio. My workouts now include a variety of exercise types, including good old yoga and dance. I get to do the kind I am in the mood for, which makes motivation more fun.
This week, take a few minutes to lovingly consider your journey in this cycle with a behavioral change you have wanted to make.
Have you already contemplated the best reasons for this change?
What is one thing you can do to better prepare mentally?
Is there a barrier to overcome to get more consistent with the habit?
Where do you see a risk of relapse, and can you prepare a plan for that?
How will you feel when you get through a month, 6 months, or a year of building this habit?
One Rule: No beating yourself up. Be neutral and curious.
For additional support from the cards in a shift you want to make, sign up for a personal tarot reading.
Begin to make your goal to learn the cards real with a tarot reading lesson.
Bring a buddy for support in for a Tarot Together session.
Give all your best friends the gift of shift when you hire a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers.
Remember that the best change comes from loving yourself into your best life. Have a great weekend.
Be the Change,
Jenna Lynne Roberts
What is Healthy Masculine to You?
I was born into a world where a great shift had just taken place for women in the decade beforehand.
This had affected men somewhat already, but times since have shown that both genders had a lot further to go to re-frame their ideals.
I feel like we are at an awakening for healthy masculine archetypes to become more prevalent. But what do those look like?
It’s essential that more voices come to this table. The new documentary by Louis Theroux, Inside the Manosphere, has brought to light the darkness that has taken advantage of the vacuum in public conversation about this subject.
There is a deep need for all of us to be more aware of what influencers are teaching young boys about what manhood looks like so we can counter that with sensibility.
For us to have this conversation collectively, we need to consider our own ideals and welcome a shift to occur for men as well.
We all have both feminine and masculine within us. It’s in our best interests to individually ponder on what our best feminine self and masculine self entail. (I even wonder what aspects might fit into our most non-binary self?)
For Father’s Day, let’s think about what characteristics we see in the good men in our lives.
While you can consider any male figure in your life, I would like to share about my own dad. I was blessed to be raised by a good man named Bill. He is turning 80 years old next week, and I am going to celebrate with gratitude for his influence in my life.
Here are some of the qualities that I see as his positive characteristics that relate to my concepts of healthy masculine energy.
Perseverance: My mom was hormonally unwell for most of my childhood, which meant big emotions that were not easy to be around at times. My dad stayed. He worked in the Navy and negotiated to remain in San Diego because her specialist gynecologist was there. He was a consistent source of calm security.
Kindness: People often ask my Dad for support, and always have. He is smart and helpful and happy to show up for others. He also can say when he’s not available, which is good boundaries.
Enthusiasm: My dad is a talker, and I can define eras of my life by what subject my dad was the most excited to share about. Dinosaurs, space, archeology, world mythology, Egyptology, and Japanese Naval history all have a place in my heart. This one relates to healthy manhood for me because it is about being emotionally giddy. He is unashamed to express himself with joy.
Values Equality: When his best friend Robert came out to him as gay in the 70’s, my dad made clear that it did not change their friendship.
He became a lawyer by going to night school and created a new branch of the law firm he worked at. He hired more women before it was the norm and was mocked by his colleagues for doing so. He took that as only more motivation.
He raised me to believe that I was capable of doing anything a man can do. This may have made me grumble at 12 years old when he would make me get up early to help him fix the busted Mazda. But now those are also sweet memories of my dad cursing as he stared into an engine and told me what tools to hand him.
And?
Now your turn. Think of one man in your life who you see reflecting qualities of healthy masculine. Write out what those look like.
What about inside yourself? Which parts of you feel like the masculine aspects? How can you love the strengths and heal the wounds?
For Father’s Day, treat your dad to a personal tarot reading.
Let’s talk about how the cards define masculine archetypes in a tarot reading lesson.
Bring your best fella in for a Tarot Together session.
Consider getting a group of men together for a heart opening experience of being seen when you hire a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers.
Scroll down for a video from King Randall, an influencer who teaches kids communication and life skills. I see him as doing the good work toward raising healthy men, even if I wish he would let young boys cry a bit more. We don’t have to agree on every aspect to make progress collectively.
I hope you get to celebrate the good men in your life this weekend… whether they produced kids or not.
Happy Father’s Day,
Jenna Lynne Roberts
How to Go D.E.E.P. with Narcissistic People
It seems like everyone’s ex is a Narcissist these days. Obviously, this is not statistically possible.
However, when a friend describes the behaviors of this person, we can often confirm that they are dealing with a certified jerk.
We can’t really diagnose without a degree, but we can call it like it is.
Even if full-blown NPD is only in around 5% of the population, general narcissistic traits are more common.
We don’t need an absolute DSM-approved diagnosis anyhow to empower ourselves with people who are awful to communicate with.
Today, let’s consider some methods to manage talks with people who feel impossible to have a fair exchange with.
Narcissistic communication traits include but are not limited to:
Gaslighting – denial of past events and a questioning of your own reality
DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) – make themselves into the victim when any critique comes their way
Strategic Helplessness – using guilt and fake naivety to turn the blame on you
Condescension / Arrogance – put you down while lifting themselves up
Apathy – show a lack of interest in your experience
Minimizing / Dismissal – downplay the meaningful effect things might have on you
One of my favorite resources for information on how to manage people in our lives with narcissistic traits is Dr. Ramini.
When I mentioned to my therapist that I have been watching this YouTube channel, she actually said that it’s a great resource. So yay for professional approval.
One of Ramini’s primary strategies is called D.E.E.P.
DON’T:
Defend – if you are feeling attacked with irrational thought, don’t try to stand up to it as it only validates their claims
Engage – save your energy and don’t play into the cycles of their nonsense
Explain – never give the reasoning you have for how you feel or why you do what you do as they will only turn this against you
Personalize – remember this is not about you, this is about their need to control
This method cuts them off from their supply. It means you won’t start yelling or give them fodder for more valid criticisms.
While passive in style, it also spares you from the cycles that serve their ego.
Another technique similar to this is called ‘Gray Rocking‘. We can try to keep conversations brief and not share a lot of personal details.
The goal is to lower the emotional values of the exchange so they lose interest in attempting to rile us up.
Consider what your boundaries are and ask for them clearly. I find text is best for this so they can’t gaslight and change the request later. Get it in writing.
Keep in mind that boundaries are less powerful when we state them as a controlling command: “You can’t ever do this.”
Boundaries are better stated in a clear result that is rational: “When you do this, I will respond with this reasonable action.”
They likely will try to weaponize your boundaries at first, so hold your ground until they wear themselves out and let go of trying.
There is a risk that this shift in communication style can end the relationship. If that is dire for you, consider hiring a mediator after you attempt boundaries.
A narcissist can’t play the same game with a stranger in the room. It can be worth the cost to have a third party witness the exchange to either get them to show a better side of themselves or to hold them accountable.
If you want to discuss challenging people, consider a personal tarot reading to see what the cards have to say about your approach.
Develop the skills to think about others from the archetypes in a tarot reading lesson.
Have a friend who knows what you’re going through join you in the hard work of shifting your relations during a Tarot Together session.
Shake out the stress of frustrating people when you throw a party for the good ones and include the fun of a tarot or palm reader from Portlandia Fortune Tellers.
I hope this weekend is rich with loving people who honor your perspectives and value your vulnerability.
Own the Conversation,
Jenna Lynne Roberts
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